Last week was a tough week.
As I sit here tears are streaming down my face. All my co-workers are in a meeting now. I have chosen not to attend.
The short of it is come December, I will be unemployed. That in of itself brings on so many
emotions. Our company got bought. The new company has decided to get rid of the
finance team and have their company do all the billing and finances. They have given me 6 months to teach them everything
I do.
I have been at my company for almost 7 years. I love my job. I’m so good at what I do. I love my customers (all 400 of them). The past two years I have received the top
rating for performance evaluations. I
work hard. And it’s all for nothing I guess. Our finance team has been so strong. We all work so hard and work so well
together. And in a few short months we
will be unemployed. I understand in the
business world when a company gets bought that is what happens. It still doesn’t make it feel any better.
Last week was a tough week.
A lot of the postpartum depression symptoms came back. And I know it’s because of yet another change
in my life. I cried in my pump
room. All I have wanted to do was sleep.
I’m unmotivated. I have anger which I’ve really seen when
driving. I’m still taking Zoloft but
maybe it’s time for a higher dosage to get me through this tough time. My eye has been twitching for the past two
weeks, most likely due to stress and fatigue.
I came into work on Friday and my stomach just started hurting so badly.
I’m so bitter. I’m so
angry. I’m scared of change. I’m frightened of what is next. I believe in myself and what I do and that I will
find a job. It still hurts like
hell. I feel like I’m being kicked to
the curb. I feel like I’m worth nothing. So many emotions.
I’m trying to exercise a lot and get rid of this stress and
anxiety and fear. It’s something I can
control in my life right now when I feel like so much of my life is out of my
control and I hate it.
I know I should be happy that I have 6 months to find a
job. Hopefully take a month off in
between to pull myself together and then start fresh.
I’m trying to breathe.
I’m trying to take one day at a time.
I will get through this huge change in my life. A change I don’t want.
