I first wanted to wish all of you a Happy Mother’s Day yesterday. No matter if you have a live child or have lost a baby, you are still a mother. Society seems to forget that these days. But I don’t.
Yesterday was filled with so many mixed emotions. Yes I felt blessed to have Liam and to be a mom, but there was so much sadness next to it. I thought a lot yesterday about Nathaniel and Grace. I heard so many times, “Happy 1st Mother’s Day”. Well it wasn’t my first Mother’s Day. Last year was. I don’t have one child, I have three. Why can’t I have all of them with me?
It was a fairly quiet Mother’s Day. We went to mass, got some lunch, took a walk and then had dinner with my parents. Maybe it was too quiet for me. Maybe I needed to be doing more to keep my mind off of things.
The day for me brought up all the baggage, emotions and sadness from my journey. Those emotions seemed to take over my day. I felt more sadness than happiness yesterday. I should have been filled with joy, but I wasn’t and I felt guilty. I am so grateful for Liam and being a mom. I hope he knows that. I just miss his siblings so much. This difficult journey to get to Liam as left so many scars and wounds that I don’t know will ever heal.
I’m taking Friday off from work and having a “taking care of myself” day. I haven’t been sleeping much as Liam hasn’t, and I’m just feeling burned out. I’m hoping to get in a nap, some exercise (I’m having bad body image issues right now but that is for another post) and am hoping to go shopping. I’m taking this day to pamper myself. I need it. I want to be the best mother possible and am not feeling like I am right now.
I need a day of pamering, too. How about we meet up for lunch, go shopping, then head to the spa?!
ReplyDeleteI hope you get feeling better soon. {{{hugs}}}
Happy Mother's Day. I hope your day of pampering helps you on Fri. I remember when Addy turned about 3/4 months I struggled a little bit with emotions. I didn't know that this was typical & felt a bit embarassed. Not sure how old your LO is now, but know that as your hormones adjust it is very normal to feel kind of bleh here & there. You are in my prayers.
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