It’s a Boy!

We are having another boy! He is healthy and for that I’m forever grateful. The little stinker wouldn’t stop moving so we could get a profile shot of his face. In 20 short weeks we will get to see him.


I’m excited. Yes I am. But I am also a bit disappointed. I feel horrible for feeling that way. I feel that because I’m disappointed I’m not grateful. But I am. I’m trying to figure out these emotions. I need to remember this is all still new and hasn’t set in yet.

I had my heart set on a little girl. When I was young I always wanted a little girl. My mom had an amazing relationship with her mother and my mom and I were able to carry that experience on. I had only hoped to have a daughter to have that kind of bond with. I wanted to see my daughter get married and have children. Unfortunately that isn’t going to happen. My husband and I agreed this is the last one for us.

I am so grateful that I will have two healthy little boys. But a part of me is now morning the little girl I had dreamed about but will never have. I’ve cried this afternoon and I know that hormones and not sleeping aren’t helping the situation. We already had a perfect beautiful name picked out for a girl. My husband said we can have a girl dog at some point and use it. It still isn’t the same.

I hate myself for feeling this way, especially all we have been through. What is wrong with me? I feel like a horrible mother for feeling this way, but I just can’t seem to help it. I can’t seem to not feel this way.