My Weight Battle and Anxiety

Where do I begin?  I’m struggling.  I’m struggling to accept my body the way I am in this moment.  I’m working to get better but like my grandfather, when I want something I want it now.

I didn’t gain as much weight this time with Logan as I did with Liam thankfully.  I gained about 40 pounds with Liam and only 28 with Logan.  I lost all but 5 pounds of my weight before having Logan.  I’ve lost 16 pounds of my weight with Logan so far, though right now I would like to lose an additional 20 pounds if my body would let me.

It’s a struggle.  It’s a struggle to accept your body after having one kid and then after having two kids.  It changes and not the way I want it to change.  I know I’m too hard on myself.  It’s only been 9 weeks since I’ve had him.  I’ve started eating a lot healthier, started an exercise routine a week ago (working out 5 days a week) and let’s not forget breastfeeding.  It’s going to come off right?

Its hard because I want to eat better and less but at the same time know I need to eat to keep up my milk supply.  I feel like I’m battling myself.  Amy, no you need to eat less to lose weight.  Amy, no you need to eat more to keep up your milk supply.  I guess I don’t remember this so much after I had Liam.  And I’m hungry all the time because of nursing.

It doesn’t also help that I’m feeling stretched thin.  I’m working full time, raising two kids, nursing (a second job), taking care of the household, trying my best to spend some time with my husband, and oh yeah trying to take care of myself.  It’s tough; I’m not going to lie.

I think all of that is making my anxiety worse.  I’ve always had issues but learned to deal with it.  It seems like my anxiety is getting worse.  Last weekend my heart started racing a few times.  I need to learn to slow down and relax.  But how, with so much on my plate?

I’m making exercise my outlet.  30 minutes at least 5 days a week just for me.  I know it will make me feel better about myself, help with weight loss and also help manage my anxiety.  Some nights when its 8pm and I finally get on the treadmill, I honestly prefer to sit and relax.  But I know I always feel better afterwords and it really helps with my stress level.  I need to commit this time for me, so I’m a better me for myself and my precious family who I’m so thankful for.

My motto; one day at a time.  I can get though today.