Oh life! I’m not
going to lie; it’s really tough this time around. I’m struggling with sleep, emotions, etc. I’ve reached out to a friend who suffered
postpartum depression with her three kids.
I know if I just slept I would feel better.
Logan was doing great sleeping, until around Christmas. Since then he has been up 2-3 times a night
to eat. It’s hard, really hard. And I can’t fall back asleep. I’m suffering from insomnia despite being so
exhausted. I lay there and it’s so frustrating. By the time I fall back asleep, Logan is
waking me 30 minutes later to eat again.
It’s a vicious cycle. I dread the
nighttime recently, even though I’ve always loved to sleep.
My emotions have been all over the place. Not sleeping and working 8 hours the next day
is tough. Some days I don’t know how to
stop crying. I’m so overwhelmed. Last Monday I was crying so bad in my pump
room and told myself I need help so reached out to my friend.
I’ve done stuff I don’t normally do. Three weeks ago I came back from grocery
shopping at 8:30 on a Sunday night. My
hubby was frustrated with getting Logan back to sleep. So I got frustrated and hit the wall with my
hand causing bruising and bleeding. I
know I would never hurt Logan but somehow it’s ok to hurt myself. Feeling pain somehow makes me feel better.
I know I will get out of this place but it’s a struggle
right now. Some days I just don’t feel
like myself. Other days (if I have slept
more than 4 hours the night before) I feel ok and all is good with the
world. I had my challenges when Liam was
young, but this time around it’s a lot worse.
I am grateful for my two kids and love them dearly. And I know this will all pass. One day at a time. I can do this. I am strong.
Amy I had some pretty intense PPD w/Addy that I didn't share much at the time. To be honest, I didn't really know that's what it was. She was already 3.5/4mo when it began & I was under the impression that you only got it in the beginning & I was just upset because I believed I was failing as a mom. It wasn't until my MIL & SIL approached me that I realized I needed help. I was feeling angry & just all around sad. I thought how could I fight for something & at the time not want it. I thought God got it wrong. I wasn't meant to be her mom. I wholeheartedly believed she'd be better off without me. It was pretty dark. And I specifically remember punching a wall also. Please know I am here at all if you need to talk. Your feelings are real & you should know you're not alone.
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