PPD

I first want to start this off on a positive note with a precious photo I captured Monday evening.  They were watching Berenstain Bears together.  The bond these two have is precious.  I saw it from day one in the hospital and can see it getting stronger and stronger.  Logan is constantly watching Liam and smiling at him.  Liam is always up for wanting to give Logan a kiss or a hug.  I am blessed.

I made the decision (though hard) to go see someone.  My days continue to be really difficult.  Last Tuesday I had a really tough day.  I spilled 2 ounces of breast milk and it felt like the end of the world.  I wanted to hit the wall again but stopped myself.  That same day I went home at lunch and couldn’t stop crying.  I told myself I need to do something about it.  When I got back to work I made a call to my doctor.

I had my appointment on Monday.  I so wanted to cancel and I told the doctor that.  I just feel like I should be able to handle this all on my own.  I told her what was going on, what I was feeling, and she said everything I’m experiencing is PPD.  She said about 20% of moms get it.  I was fine with Liam but not this time around.  She put me on a low dose of Zoloft and I’m going to go back in 6 weeks to follow-up on how I’m doing.  There is a therapist there at my OGBYN as well if I want to go down that path.  I think Zoloft and continuing to take extra care of myself (rest if possible, exercising) will hopefully get me back on track.  I pray it will.  I want to feel like me again.

The two things that have really comforted me recently are exercising in particular running.  My husband has been really good Saturday mornings watching the boys so I can go on the treadmill for a good 45 minutes.  It really is my outlet these days.  Coffee in the morning and warm tea in the afternoon have been of comfort for me too.  I will take what I can get.

One day at a time.  I continue to hold this close to my heart in the hopes of feeling better soon.