Housing Update

Time is flying as always. It’s sad to say the summer is over with.


We are all doing well. Liam is a handful but I’m so thankful for that! He is still obsessed with drumming. He is saying more and more words daily. Yesterday I asked him what a cow said and he said “Moo”. It made my heart melt to hear that. It’s the little things I so appreciate. To know he is absorbing the world around him and growing and thriving. Sometimes I’m amazed that my husband and I have created this amazing human being.

So on to a housing update. On May 25th we went under contract for our forever home. It seriously was everything we wanted at a great price. The people we were buying from wanted a bigger house (and hadn’t found anything yet) but still put their house on the market. So we waited. We gave them 1 month to find a house. In that month they thought they had found a house but then decided against it b/c it was for a For Sale by Owner. They found another house but it was too close to the boat access. So we gave them another 2 weeks to find something. They found a rental but it was on a cliff. So we gave them another month. They investigated a new build but the land they wanted wasn’t even for sale. And they only wanted to stay in one town. As of August 17th, they decided to pull their house off the market. We were left high and dry. It has been an emotional roller coaster.

So many times during those 84 days of waiting for them, the emotions of my miscarriages came back to haunt me. We had found our dream home, had envisioned living there, what we were going to paint the walls, only to have it pulled from under us. It was out of our control. That’s how I felt when I lost Nathaniel and Grace. We had so many hopes and dreams for them, only to have them taken away from me. It sucks.

I’m still bitter about losing the house. I hate how they dragged us along. We even found a buyer for our house and had to let that person go. These people wasted our time. It makes me mad. I’m trying to let go but it’s hard when you have your mind set on something.

We had found another house we were potentially interested in but then discovered that the owners were under investigation. A few days later a lien was put on their house. We walked away….it wasn’t worth it.

So we are building a new house. I am excited, but still not as excited as if we were to be moving into our dream home. It’s not the ideal location but still in the town we want to stay in. We are actually using the plans from our dream home with a few modifications. The goal is to be in our house before Christmas. We are so ready. I’m mostly looking forward to having more space for Liam to play and grow as he gets older. Our condo is getting cramped!

It’s been a journey, as everything seems to be in life but I think we have found the path we were supposed to go down. I can’t wait to be in our new home and hopefully work on expanding our family. We are ready for another baby but want to be settled into our new house (and hopefully I will be less stressed by then). I’m starting my prenatals vitamins and my folic acid. I want it in my system for a while. I only hope our next pregnancy is smooth. I’m scared, very scared. But if we don’t try we will never know. Sometimes you just have to trust.

18 Months

(Liam on July 4th)

How is my precious little boy going to be 18 months on Wednesday? Where does the time go? He is growing so fast. So many days I just want to stop time and take it all in.

We have had a lot of fun times already this summer. We bought him his first pool and he absolutely loves it. I’m not surprised! He stays in until his lips are blue. It seems to be a recurring event that after nap time on the weekends its pool time!

We took him to our town parade on July 4th. He loved it! He was so into all the trucks, especially the fire trucks. They handed out flags and he held on to it the whole time flying it around. I can only imagine how much fun we will have next year!

We’ve started talking about having another baby. Right now we are in the midst of moving (hopefully). Two words to describe our situation = Housing Drama. I’m hoping it all works out and we can be in our forever home. Once we are settled we hope to start trying again.

The thought of trying again scares the crap out of me. What if I have another miscarriage? How would I be able to deal with that especially with taking care of a toddler? I know we want another child but that doesn’t take away all the fear I have of getting there. There are so many unknowns and what ifs. I try not to think about them and just enjoy my precious time with Liam right now. I’m grateful every day to have him in my life. To see him laugh, learn new words and grow into a little man makes me smile with happiness.

July 22nd will be 3 years since we lost Nathaniel, our first baby. So much has happened in 3 years. I still miss him but it doesn’t hurt as much. He always will hold a special place in my heart.

I hope you all are enjoying your summer!



It's Been Awhile...

(Liam in his wagon!)

Has it really been almost 4 months since I’ve written a post? Time sure does fly.

We are all doing well. Liam is walking like crazy and getting smarter every day. One of his favorite things to do is after eating yogurt for breakfast in the morning is throwing the container away. He goes right to the trash can so I can open it for him. We were afraid he would just throw anything away but he is good about only throwing “trash”. And if any of the doors are slightly open, he has to shut them. I think he might be a little bit of neat freak like his mother!

Liam is a drummer. He drums on anything. Anything he gets his hands on he shakes to see if it will make noise. My husband and I are not musical at all so it’s very interesting to see this characteristic in him. At his school they have a gathering drum and I guess he is quite obsessed with it. I’ve been taking him to story hour at our local library and after they bring out a box of musical instruments. He could sit there and play with them all day!

Liam is still sleeping through the night (thank God!). He has been since 9 months. He goes to bed at 6:30 and is up about 7am or so. He did have one night where he freaked out and my husband and I had to calm him down for awhile. I think he had a bad dream. He is down to one nap now and sleeps 1-1 ½ hours during that time.

This kid has an appetite. You can’t put enough food in front of him. He would probably want to eat all day if I would let him. At snack time at school, his teachers say he is normally the last one to leave the table. He needs to make sure all the food is gone! Some of his favorite foods: waffle, sweet potato, grapes, cheese, black beans, ice cream, peanut butter and jelly, yogurt and crackers. And that’s just to name a few!

I still can’t believe my little boy is 16 months. Where does the time go? We have had a lot of nice family time recently. I try and take a moment to appreciate all that I have. I know I’m blessed to have this little miracle in my life. I hope he knows how special he is.

I hope all is well with all of you. I still read blogs when I have the chance.



A Change Today

Today turned into a big day for me I guess you could say. Today is the first time since having Liam that I didn’t take my pump to work. I made the decision yesterday, no more pumping.


My supply is diminishing a lot recently. Yesterday I pumped for 15 minutes at work and only got ½ ounce. My thought, is this really worth it?

This weekend I started introducing whole milk to in his bottles of formula. He seems to be taking them just fine. I’m hoping within the next few weeks he will be having whole milk all the time.

How am I feeling about not pumping anymore? A sense of relief that I am not tied down to it and having to take it everywhere with me. A sense of accomplishment that I’m so proud of myself for going this long. And a sense of sadness, that this chapter of my life is done for now. Who knew putting a pump away would trigger so many emotions.

I will still nurse Liam morning and night as long as he wants to. I’m not ready to end that. He still enjoys it and honestly so do I. I cherish the bond we have been able to form.

Taking this step today was big for me. But it also reminded me of how blessed I’ve been. Nursing has been relatively easy for me. He had issues latching correctly at first. But other than that, it’s been a pleasant experience. I’m thankful my body was able to produce for my child.

I will be packing the pump up and putting it in the closet. I only pray I’m able to take it out again down the road.

Liam Turns 1 Today!

It’s hard to believe a year ago today I was in the hospital on Pitocin, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Liam. His birth didn’t go the way I had hoped, but he was healthy and in the end that was all that mattered to me.


I remember lying on the operating table and hearing him cry. I breathed a sigh of relief and also shed a few tears myself. He was ok and he was finally born into this world. I had waited so long for that day. I remember seeing his face for the first time and then looking at my husband and saying, “he’s cute!” I remember nursing him for the first time, about 30 minutes after he was born and they had me wheeled to the recovery room. I couldn’t feel my lower half, I was still shaking from all the hormones, but my son latched on like a champ. I couldn’t have been more happy. I remember that first night he was sleeping next to me and I couldn’t sleep. I kept laying there just staring at him and wondering to myself if it was real. We had waited so long for this day.

What a year it has been. We have had our challenges, mainly sleep deprivation. But we have had some amazing moments as well. Seeing him crawl the first time, his first smile, his first laugh. I am so blessed to be his mother. I am thankful everyday for the gift of him in my life. He truly is my miracle and I’m reminded of that every day.

Happy 1st Birthday Liam. I love you so much and am so thankful to have you as my son.

An Early Merry Christmas

(Recent photo of our Dog Wally and Liam looking out the window.  A photo I will cherish forever.)

Has it really been since November 9 since I posted? At night when I’m trying to get to sleep I think of all the thoughts going through my head and that I want to post them here. But then I never seem to find the time. Between working and home life, there isn’t a lot of extra time.


It’s hard to believe that Liam will be 1 year old. Where does the time go? I love him more and more each day if that is possible? I’m really enjoying this age. He is crawling now, and enjoying crawling up the stairs. I know he will be walking before we know it!

He is a spunky little guy. His laugh makes me grin from ear to ear. In the morning when he wakes up, he talks in his crib for awhile. We listen to him on the monitor. Sometimes he will laugh. It is one of those moments I want to cherish forever. This miracle that was brought to us. How blessed we are to have him in our life.

It’s come to the point where I will be weaning him soon. The past two mornings he isn’t as interested in nursing in the morning. He still loves to nurse at night before bed. I am having so many mixed emotions about it. I have so cherished this time with him and am thankful that my body has allowed me to provide to my child for this long. But at the same time, I’m done with pumping. Pumping is getting really old and I’m not making as much as I used to. Plus Liam isn’t drinking as many bottles at daycare anymore. He enjoys his adult food more and more. I know it’s going to be a gradual process but something I will miss. It’s been my life for a year. On the weekends during the day, Liam will come up to me and start making his sucking sound as if to say, “Feed me Mommy”. Oh how I’ve cherished this time with him. But it’s another phase within this amazing experience of watching him grow.

I’m looking forward to Christmas this year with Liam. To see him unwrap his gifts, and see the joy in his face. I know I will have a heavy heart as well thinking of Nathaniel and Grace. Even though they aren’t here, they are on my mind, especially around the holidays. I am so grateful for Liam. Every time I look at him I’m reminded of that.

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas. I hope that you all receive what you are hoping for. And even though it’s tough sometimes, to be grateful for what you have been blessed with.

Update

I haven’t written in awhile. Time seems to be flying by. In just a little over a week Liam will be 10 months old. Seriously? How can my baby be growing so fast?


We have finally gotten the sleep thing down and how wonderful that is! Friday will make it 5 weeks of sleeping through the night every night (6:30pm to 6:30am). I feel like a person again! It’s taken a long time to get to this point and I’m appreciating it!

I’m still nursing though my supply is diminishing, especially with Liam sleeping through the night now. At first I started getting really hard on myself for not making enough to provide for him. But then I remembered I should be grateful for making it this far. Maybe it’s my body’s way of telling me, “Hey, I’m tired!” I’m nursing him in the morning, and then twice before bed during the week. I so cherish this time with him as I know we won’t be able to bond this way forever. I’d like to make it to a year. I think nursing has become as much a comfort to him as me.

He hasn’t decided to crawl yet, though is thinking about it. I know he will crawl and walk in his own time. And once he starts, watch out! He is a boy that likes to be on the move all the time so I can only imagine what he will do when he discovers crawling and walking.

The thought of having another baby has finally crossed my mind….now that I’m not sleep deprived! For awhile I didn’t know if I wanted another baby. I think the majority of those thoughts were coming from sleep deprivation and that I just wasn’t myself emotionally the first 6 months.

I do want another baby. But I know having another baby isn’t in my hands. I’m so scared to even think of trying again for fear of having another miscarriage. Am I strong enough to handle that again? Maybe Liam is the only child we were meant to have though I would love to give him a brother or sister. When we decide it’s time to try again down the road, I will worry about that.

For now, I’m cherishing every moment with Liam. He brings a smile to face. And to hear him laugh lights me up. He truly is a miracle that I’m thankful for each and every day.

I hope all is well with each and every one of you.