24 Weeks

I will be 24 weeks tomorrow – how is that possible?  Time is flying and I’m getting big and uncomfortable already.  Not sure what to anticipate for the next 16 weeks.  I think Sweetpea is going to be a big boy like his brother!

Liam is doing better sleep wise.  He started to cry about 2 minutes after putting him to bed.  He was fine and had everything he needed.  So we let him cry for 15 minutes the first night, then 3 minutes the next and then he hasn’t cried for the past week.  I think it was a phase and he was trying to test us.  Glad to have him back to normal.

Liam came down with a fever on Thursday.  My husband was knee deep in work starting Thursday thru Saturday so I was a solo parent.  I’m not going to lie, it was tough.  I was exhausted at the end of each day.  Thankfully my husband took Liam to church on Sunday morning and I stayed home and had a nap.  I don’t think I have ever needed a nap so bad.  These past few days have made me realize how grateful I am to have my husband in my life.  And I give credit to all those single parents out there.  Parenting is tough.

Sweetpea has turned into a machine.  This boy is active, all the time.  Mornings at work have been challenging concentrating because he is so active.  And it’s starting to hurt when he kicks and moves.  I’m so grateful to feel his movement.  It is a constant reassurance that he is ok.  I am anticipating another very active little boy on my hands come October!

I’m starting to freak out that we need to get stuff ready for Sweetpea’s arrival.  The biggest thing is we need to go out and get a big boy bed for Liam so that Sweetpea can have his crib.  It’s on our to-do list for this month.  I’m hoping to pull out all of Liam’s clothes in the next few weeks and go through them to see what Sweetpea can wear when he is born.  I’ve already bought hangers so we can start hanging the clothes.  I know that the next 16 weeks are going to fly by fast. 

We are still working on a name.  I’m pretty set on one.  I keep saying it and it just sounds right.  My husband said it’s still growing on him.  I know he has been busy with work and hasn’t had much time to think about it.  I just want to choose a name.  I think it will put my mind at ease.  The name I really like I think would fit Sweetpea perfectly.  And I get the middle name this time which is a family name I always wanted to use if we had a boy.  My hubby got the family name for our first child so now it’s my turn.  And the middle name goes perfectly (in my opinion) with the first name. 

I’ve really worked hard to accept that we aren’t having a girl.  It’s not in our cards and that’s ok.  God has given me two healthy little boys and I couldn’t be more grateful.  Would I have wanted a girl?  Oh yes.  But I have a healthy boy.  I am reminded of the struggles we went through to get here.  Any healthy child I have received is a gift.  I am working on remembering that. 

Comment and Update

Kort – thank you for commenting on my last post. Your comment made me cry, it made me realize I’m not alone and what I’m feeling is normal, and that I too will get past this as you have done. You don’t understand how much that comment meant to me.


I’m doing better and getting more used to the fact of having two boys. This past Tuesday I went shopping with my mom and got Sweetpea some stuff. It makes it more real. Still working on a name with my husband though. I have my first choice picked out….just trying to get it to be my husband’s first choice. He at least says it’s growing on him. I have to start somewhere!

Sweetpea moves a lot. I don’t remember Liam being this active. I can only imagine what he is going to be like when he is born! I do love feeling him move. It makes it more real and allows me to grow a bond with him. I love putting my hand on my belly and feeling him move around. I can see the kicks from the outside too.

I’m feeling big and getting uncomfortable already. It’s hard to believe I have 18 more weeks to go. My belly is going to be massive by then. I’m wondering if Sweetpea will be as big as Liam was. I’m short too (only 5’3”) so there isn’t much room for this belly except out!

My emotions have really been all over the place the past few weeks. One moment I’m happy, the next I’m frustrated and after that I just want to sit in the corner and cry. I remember being emotional with Liam but the past few weeks have been a bit crazy. Every little thing sets me off. Liam hasn’t been going to bed very well recently (and has been a good sleeper since 9 months). Liam doing this has makes me so frustrated and mad. I don’t know where it’s all coming from. My only way to deal with it these days is go for a walk while he is figuring it out. I try and remind myself it’s a stage and I will get through it. I’m hoping my emotions level out soon. It’s starting to make me feel crazy.

Progress

I’m not going to lie. This is a place I need to be honest with myself. Friday was tough. I cried myself to sleep. I cried in the bathroom at work. I felt like a horrible mother. How can I be feeling this way?


I woke up Saturday and tried to remain positive. I tried to look at it differently. I’m blessed to have a healthy baby. We’ve been through so much. He might not be a girl but he is healthy. And that is what matters. I tried to get back to that place where I appreciated every little movement or kick I was feeling.

Saturday night I went to the mall by myself after Liam went to bed. I bought Sweetpea his very own blanket, some onesies and some jammies that he could come home in from the hospital. I passed the little girls section, took a look, shed a few tears and told myself it wasn’t meant to be and to move ahead. Not easy to do but I did it. For some reason I am not meant to have a little girl though I’m still trying to accept that concept. It felt good buying Sweetpea something just for him. I know he will be so precious and I’m going to love him beyond words. He is a miracle.

Today a co-worker from a different office came back to work after maternity leave. She just had a boy and already has a little girl. She told me she wasn’t happy when she found out she was having a boy. That led into me sharing what I was feeling and her giving me more details of what it was like for her. It felt good to talk to someone that has endured what I’m feeling right now. I’m thankful to have someone that I can talk to and it reminds me what I’m feeling is normal and I’m not a bad mother. I will get through this. I am reminded every day is a new day.

Sweetpea – Momma’s loves you and always will. You just weren’t what I expected at first but that’s ok. You are my miracle and always will be. I can’t wait to meet you in a few short months and kiss you on your head and tell you how excited I am to have you here. Till then, grow baby and keep kicking me to remind me the blessing I have received.

It’s a Boy!

We are having another boy! He is healthy and for that I’m forever grateful. The little stinker wouldn’t stop moving so we could get a profile shot of his face. In 20 short weeks we will get to see him.


I’m excited. Yes I am. But I am also a bit disappointed. I feel horrible for feeling that way. I feel that because I’m disappointed I’m not grateful. But I am. I’m trying to figure out these emotions. I need to remember this is all still new and hasn’t set in yet.

I had my heart set on a little girl. When I was young I always wanted a little girl. My mom had an amazing relationship with her mother and my mom and I were able to carry that experience on. I had only hoped to have a daughter to have that kind of bond with. I wanted to see my daughter get married and have children. Unfortunately that isn’t going to happen. My husband and I agreed this is the last one for us.

I am so grateful that I will have two healthy little boys. But a part of me is now morning the little girl I had dreamed about but will never have. I’ve cried this afternoon and I know that hormones and not sleeping aren’t helping the situation. We already had a perfect beautiful name picked out for a girl. My husband said we can have a girl dog at some point and use it. It still isn’t the same.

I hate myself for feeling this way, especially all we have been through. What is wrong with me? I feel like a horrible mother for feeling this way, but I just can’t seem to help it. I can’t seem to not feel this way.

20 Weeks

I can’t believe I’m half way through this pregnancy already. It’s going by really fast. Maybe because I’m so busy keeping track of my energetic toddler!


I’m so thankful we are to the half-way point. I’ve been feeling good though getting uncomfortable in the evening already. I’ve had some nasal congestion from the start but the past few weeks have been a lot worse. I might need to buy stock in Kleenex the way I’m going through it! I don’t remember it being this bad with Liam.

I’m feeling stronger movement with Sweetpea daily. No big swift kicks yet but I know he or she is in there! I do enjoy the movement as it reassures me he/she is doing ok in there.

Friday morning we go for our ultrasound to make sure Sweetpea is healthy. And we hope to find out the sex. I’m SO EXCITED! I’ve been trying to be patient but it’s been pretty difficult these past few weeks. I just want to know! I hope Sweetpea is as revealing as Liam was. I remember vividly knowing Liam was a boy at our 20 week ultrasound with my own eyes. He wasn’t shy! Love that boy!

Liam is still an amazing little boy! We have our challenges with him wanting to do what he wants. He is really into using the word “Don’t”. But he is 2 ½ so I know it will pass at some point. He is so smart too! This morning I took him to school, and we were listening to the radio. He said, “I hear a drum”. Sure enough the song had a drum in the background. There were some commercial’s and then another song came on. He said, “I hear a piano”. Sure enough there was a piano. He is so observant and picks up on so many different things I wouldn’t think he would. He amazes me and I’m so grateful for him in our lives. Oh and a little fun fact, Liam wants to name the baby “Peanut Butter”. I’m not sure if that is going to fly with my husband and me!

Stay tuned to find out what Sweetpea is!!

Movement at 18 Weeks

The past few days I’ve been feeling movement, and it’s not just gas bubble this time. I’m pretty sure it’s Sweetpea in there wiggling around. The movement feels really low this time around. I am really looking forward to more consistent movement. But anything I feel right now I’m so appreciating.


Two weeks from today we hopefully get to find out the sex (if Sweetpea cooperates as much as his/her brother did). I’m so anxious to know. The anticipation recently has been driving me nuts!

I’m trying my best to relax and de-stress as I know it’s unhealthy for Sweetpea. Our condo is back on the market and we have a potential buyer but who knows. And yes its stressing me out. I’m so done with all of this. I just want to move on with our lives.

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend!

16 Weeks

It’s been a month since I posted….where does the time go?


Two weeks ago was a bit challenging for me. My son got sick with a stomach bug and shared it with me. With being pregnant and my immune system not as strong as normal, of course I would get it. I was sick one day and fine the next. One night I got really sick so went to the doctor to check on the baby as I was getting scared. Sweetpea was still going strong, thankfully. It took a while to want to eat normal again but am feeling so much better. I had my 16 week appointment on Wednesday and was the same weight as I was at 12 weeks. I was sick so I’m not going to worry about it though I know I need to start gaining. I’ve gained about 6 pounds so far.

I’m still so tired. By the end of the day after working all day, taking care of Liam at night, and doing a few house chores, I’m wiped out. I’ve been in bed by 8:30 most nights. If I could I would love to sleep all day. If only that were possible!

I’ve been under some stress which I know isn’t good. We had our condo under contract and found out 2 weeks before closing that they didn’t qualify for financing. It’s a long story but they in essence came back with a new offer that would make us lose $9K. We had to walk away (did so this morning). Last night I was a mess emotionally. I went to bed at 7:45 without eating dinner. I know stress and not eating isn’t good for this baby but I was at a breaking point last night. My emotions were all over the place and all I wanted to do was lie in bed and cry. We’ve endured so much in this whole housing process. The thought of continuing to pay two mortgages is scary, especially with another baby on the way. We had hoped to close on the condo and start saving some for the baby along with getting some stuff done around the new house. I try not to stress about it but it’s not that easy.

I’m looking forward to May 17th when we find out the sex of Sweetpea! I can’t wait to know!