I took a big step today. I went into a Motherhood Maternity store. I've been so scared to enter for fear of losing this baby. But my last two appointments have given me hope. I went in for one thing, a belly band. My pants are getting a little snug and thought it would hold me over for a little while. I felt I couldn't look at the other clothes yet. I didn't feel ready to take that step. Walking into the store was big enough for me.
The cashier took all my information. For a moment I was hesitant to give it to her. What if this baby didn't make it? She asked if it was my first, and I hesitantly said yes even though I knew in my heart that wasn't the truth. This is my third and always will be. Nathaniel and Grace will never be replaced.
Me going into the store represented to me that I have faith that I will meet this baby come January. I want this baby to know that its mom believes in him/her. I'm glad I took this step though deep down I'm scared if maybe it was too early.
My main reason I went to the mall was to buy some baggier shirts. I've always had a flat stomach but that is defnitely starting to change. Since we don't want to tell people for another few weeks I thought I would get some less form fitting shirts. I tried a bunch on and just felt like I was hiding something. To tell you the truth, I don't want to hide this baby growing inside of me. My husband and I have gone through so much to get here, why would I want to hide this miracle? I never thought trying to find baggy shirts would be so emotional for me. I didn't come home with any shirts. For some reason it didn't feel right. This baby means the world to me and I don't want to cover that up.
I wasn't anticipating this trip to the mall would be so emotional. I'm encountering new territory and trying to figure out how to handle it. But I know for now I have this little person with me and we are going to get through it together. And that brings me comfort.
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I could've written this myself back in Dec. I was SO scared to share the news with everyone and my small frame made it very difficult to hide. I ended up purchasing the belly band at 9 weeks but had such a hard time considering anything else. I know how scary this is and I think that you are doing a GREAT job! Even though the fear never fully goes away, there does come a pt when you allow yourself to believe that you will hold this precious healthy baby at the end of 9 months. God Bless and stay strong!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Dawn. This could have been my blog post at the beginning of my pregnancy. Congratulations on taking that big step, and you shouldn't have to hide your little miracle!
ReplyDeleteSo, did you buy the belly band? If not, I have a blog post (titled "Fruit Salad") that shows how you can make your own. I made about a dozen of them, and they are definitely coming in handy even now that I am at the end of my pregnancy. My clothes are getting a bit too tight, and the belly band is perfect for covering that space where my shirt and my pants don't quite meet up!
I understand this post completely, as it wasn't so long ago for me when I had the same fears. I had purchased my belly band when I was pregnant the first time, but hadn't stepped foot into a maternity since. I am still wearing my clothes now, but only the ones that have an empire waist - I think sooner or later I will have to go to a store b/c I have no pants! Thank goodness it's summer :)
ReplyDeleteI remember going into Motherhood the first time this pregnancy and I remember giving her my due date and when she told me she had 12/1/09 in their my heart nearly sank...I had to tell her we lost that baby. It is a big step, but we have to have faith and believe that our Little Ones are going to be ok. Praying for you and *huge hugs* This journey is emotional and its scary to enter new territory, but I am here if you need me. :)
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