In the midst of trying to get to sleep last night, my mind continued to wander. It ended up wandering to December 16, the day I had my D&C and we said goodbye to Grace.
That was one of the most emotional days I have ever endured in my life. I have never felt so empty, such pain, such sadness and the feeling of complete loss. We thought Grace was our second chance. Instead she was meant to go straight to Heaven instead. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of her.
Our next doctor’s appointment happens to be on December 16. It’s my 36 week appointment where we get an ultrasound to see Peanut again. I must say it’s bittersweet. Of all the days to see Peanut again, it’s on the year anniversary of losing our precious little girl.
When we lost Grace I really couldn’t look to a year ahead, let alone a day ahead. But here we are almost a year and in just a few short weeks we will welcome our little Peanut into this world.
For all you ladies still waiting for your rainbow baby; don’t give up hope. The road can be long, but I truly believe there is light at the end of each of our tunnels. A year can seem like an eternity, but so much can happen in a year. Don’t lose faith, even when you want to.
When we see Peanut on December 16, it will be another reminder of how blessed we are to have him in our lives and what a true miracle his life is. And it will be a reminder of Grace and that she is watching over us as we go through the final weeks to welcoming her little brother into this world.
{{{hugs}}}
ReplyDeleteR's due date was the anniversary of the day we lost our baby girl. I am so grateful he was born early! When I woke up on her Angel Day, a beautiful white lily bloomed in our flower garden. It was a bittersweet day. Good luck on the 16th!
Amy,
ReplyDeleteThis brought me to tears. I have been reading your blog for about 3 months now. I miscarried our first child, Samantha, back in September and it is such a struggle. I said to my husband JUST LAST NIGHT that sometimes I don't feel as though we will ever have children and I am afraid to hope. But then I also said but there's one awesome blog THAT HAS GIVEN ME LOTS OF HOPE recently. I told him about Nathaniel and Grace and now Peanut. And I said that your story gives me hope. That sweet message about waiting for the rainbow baby really touche my heart.
Blessings, Amy, and I will be praying for you on the 16th.
Maybe Nathaniel, Grace, and Samantha are playing together in heaven. I like to think of that.
Shannon