My whole life I’ve always been a people pleaser. Despite me not wanting to do something, I do
it anyways to please the other person and make them happy. I get this trait from my mother. It’s good at some points in my life but other
times it can really wear me out.
I’ve always had some minor anxiety issues (another trait
from my dear mother) but after the miscarriages it got worse. And with this pregnancy I have to say it’s
gotten a lot worse. I freak out at the
littlest things. I think it’s the end of
the world. Any changes cause me so much
stress. I deal with it and handle it but
sometimes it gets the best of me.
My husband told me on Tuesday that there was a celebration
at his hometown in NH this weekend. Instantly
I started freaking out. I need to
pack. I need to get stuff ready. How am I going to sleep there as I can barely
sleep at home? Tuesday night at 2am
instead of sleeping I was thinking of what I need to do to get ready for the
trip.
Of course, I was going to go with my husband and Liam and we
would have to bring Wally too as my mom wasn’t available to keep him. It’s a fun family trip right? But the anxiety started taking over. I was getting anxious about this little
trip.
I think I brought it up first about me staying home and my
husband and Liam would go. But then I started
to feel guilty (the people pleaser).
Then I really started thinking, I need some time to myself. I need some time to relax. This might be my one chance to myself before
Sweetpea is born. So I finally made a
decision to say no. I’m staying
home. I’m taking care of myself and
Sweetpea. I’m not going to be stressed
or anxious this weekend. It’s just Wally
and I. Do I feel guilty? My hubby was
right and that I felt guilty for about 20 minutes. And then I realized I need this time to
myself more than I know. On too many occasions
I think I try to be strong sometimes when inside I’m breaking down bit by bit.
To end on a happy/positive note, Sweetpea and I passed the
one hour glucose test!!
No comments:
Post a Comment