My Story

Since this is my first post, I wanted to share what I have been through. Below is what my husband and I posted to our blog on 7/30/09 to share with our close friends and family what happened.


Chad and I have had a busy summer already to say the least spending time with friends and family. This summer started off as a special one for us....on June 5 we took a pregnancy test and it came back positive! We were very excited to say the least but sometimes things don't work out quite the way you plan or envision.

We've been holding this secret in for awhile...only our parents and a few very close friends know. Through all this excitement we have had to deal with a very difficult past few weeks.

It all started on Tuesday, July 14 when we were to have our first ultrasound and hear the heartbeat. I would have been 10 weeks pregnant. But of course, not all went smoothly. This little guy (from the beginning I've felt it was a boy), was smaller than expected measuring at only about 7 1/2 weeks. He also had a slow heartbeat, 87 beats verses 100 that he should be having. Our doctor told us there would be a 80% chance I would miscarry and a 20% chance this baby would be healthy but just a little small. There was nothing we had done wrong, just things didn't line up quite right at the time of conception.

It has been a very trying few weeks. We were a bit concerned and even a bit scared. But we got through each day, some with tears, some with a lot of conversation but we got through it together. We had the support and prayers from our parents and a few close friends. Everyday I had this little guy still inside me was a true blessing. I did a lot of talking to him. We told him whatever was meant to be for him, Mommy and Daddy would be OK and we had each other and many loved ones to get us through it.

The week really showed me how much we both loved this child. Being our first pregnancy it was really hard for us to comprehend having a baby growing inside me. The ultrasound really put that into perspective. Knowing that my baby was fighting made me want to do anything for him. I now can understand why so many women give up things for their child. You will do anything for this human being that you created out of love.

Finally the week rolled around and we went back for another ultrasound. When she started the ultrasound we knew something wasn't right. The fetal sac was starting to cave in and we didn't see a fetus. We were both a little taken aback as I didn't have any miscarriage symptoms. Our doctor said my body knew the fetus wasn't viable and absorbed it. To us this was a true blessing. All along I have been so afraid of passing the fetus. Instead my body took care of it naturally. It makes us feel at peace, that this baby will always be a part of me. There of course was still biological remnants of the pregnancy that still had to be taken care of. After a lot of research and figuring out what was best for us emotionally and me physically we decided on having a D&C which is a surgical procedure. I was afraid of miscarrying naturally with fear that not everything would pass and infections could take place. Plus my doctor didn't know how long it could take. The D&C would give Chad and I closure.

Another blessing was that my doctor was on call the following day and could do the procedure in the hospital. I again felt comforted as Chad and I have really trusted our doctor and she knows our situation. For some reason we believe this was meant to be. I know even though i was scared (this was my first surgery and admittance into the hospital) that knowing our doctor would be handling it put my mind at ease.

I had the surgery the following day (Wednesday, July 22). Everything went smoothly and I admit I was braver that I thought I would be. Chad was a godsend through it all and was such a supportive husband. I couldn't have gotten through it without him. Recovery was fairly easy and I wasn't in much pain. I took a few days off of work to completely recover.

Chad and I have lost a child. That statement is difficult but for some reason this baby wasn't meant to be. This whole situation has brought us closer as a couple and strengthened our relationship. I have learned a lot about myself medically and have overcome some fears along with the way. We are doing our best to see the positives in this situation.

We will forever love this child for being in our lives even for just a few weeks. He will forever be in our thoughts and hearts. I know and pray someday we will have a healthy baby and we will be reminded of this difficult time, but will take comfort that our baby will always be with us.

For now, Chad and I are ready to heal, to overcome this as best we can and look to the future in hopes of having another baby someday soon.