Patience is something I have struggled with all my life. I take after my grandfather; when I want something, I want it now! Well that hasn’t been the case with having a baby. I know God is trying to tell me to be patient but man is it hard.
After having the D&C, I couldn’t wait to have my period. I don’t think I have ever felt that way before about my period. I just wanted it to come so I could feel normal again. When it came I was happy that everything was getting back to normal, but at the same time was discouraged as it reaffirmed that there was no longer a baby inside. Our doctor told us to wait two months before trying again. It was a long two months but knowing we could start trying again was getting me through the tough times.
Now I feel I’m at a different state of patience. The two months came and went and we could finally start trying. Last month came and went, and so did my period. I know it was the first time but it still hurt and it still didn’t lessen the frustration. I wonder how long I’m going to have live by my cycles and how it will determine my mood. I know I should probably just go about my life and whatever happens, happens. Well that is a lot easier said than done. Is it so wrong to want to feel un-empty inside again?
I know I’m supposed to learn something from all of this. I also know my little angel in heaven is watching over me through this though time. And for that, I guess I have something to smile about. To have had him in my life for even a short while to teach me a few life lessons is a true blessing.
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