Dreams

I’ve been reading a lot of other blogs and one thing has hit me that maybe I never looked at before. I not only lost a child, but I lost all the dreams along with it. Maybe that is what is making it so hard lately. We were shocked that we got pregnant so fast but thrilled beyond belief. My dreams and hopes for the future changed when we found out there was a little person in our future.

We have a third bedroom that was to be this baby’s room. My husband and I went about cleaning it out, taking the desk downstairs, and emptying the closet. I was already planning where we would put the baby furniture. We were thinking of paint colors for the walls. We already had a boy and girls name picked out. We even had already put in applications for daycare. February 8, 2010 was going to be a life changing day.

When we found out the baby wouldn’t make it, we hadn’t only lost our first child; we lost all those dreams along with it. I remember thinking when we were at the July 4th parade that next year we would have a little one in tow and how excited I was to think of bringing him there. I remember I couldn’t wait to share the news with everyone. I couldn’t wait to start getting a belly. I wanted to share my joy with the world around me. Instead I have this pain inside that I can’t share.

It’s amazing to think that for the ten weeks our little one was with us, he changed our future. And when we lost him, he changed it again. I’m hoping and praying that this month might be a new start and we can have something to celebrate.