Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is upon us tomorrow and again I wonder where the time went. This has been a very difficult year for me. In a period of 11 months, I lost two grandmothers, an uncle and my first child.

On this Thanksgiving weekend, I’m thinking of the child I lost and the child growing inside of me. Last night I was cleaning the house and just started crying (I guess the hormones are kicking in). I am still in shock that I am pregnant again. It just doesn’t seem real to me yet and I don’t know when it will. I still have symptoms but just still can’t believe it. The crying made me reflect on what I am thankful for this year.

First, I am thankful for my husband. He has been such a supportive man through all our struggles this year. Because of what we have gone through with losing a child, I love him that much more and on a deeper level. I can’t imagine going through this with anyone but him.

Second, I am thankful for our first child. That little person brought us so much joy and so much sadness all in a period of a few months. My life has changed because of him. I will never be the same person, never look at pregnancy the same, and never take for granted the feeling of having a little person growing inside of me. He showed me what it is to truly love a child. And for that I am so thankful to have had him in my life, even for a short time.

Third, this month I am so thankful for the second chance to be a mother. I am thankful that my husband and I again were able to create a child out of love. I am so thankful that on Thanksgiving I will be carrying in tow with me to our festivities this miracle child. This child could not have been conceived at a more perfect time.

Though I have had many struggles this year, tomorrow on Thanksgiving I can say I am truly thankful and can celebrate the holidays with a smile. This miracle child has given that back to me.