An Emotional Weekend

This weekend was an emotional weekend. My family and I went to take the last things from Grandma’s house. It was a little eerie and sad walking in to only a few things left. I was sad and teary eyed driving away the last time. I have so many good memories in that house that were shared with my grandparents. I don’t know if I will ever go back and for that it brings sadness.

It was beautiful out on Sunday so I took some time to take a long walk by myself and try and clear my head. In a 2 ½ month period, I lost two very important people in my life for different reasons. I am mourning them differently and was trying to figure out why.

On October 4, my grandmother at the age of almost 91 years old took her last breath. She showed me what a true grandmother’s love was. She showed me how God can bring goodness into your life if you truly believe. She was a loving mother, grandmother and wife. Even though she didn’t even attend 8th grade, she accomplished so much in her life and for that I am so grateful to have had her as my grandmother. When I think of why I mourn for her, it’s because of all the memories I had with her and the most wonderful times we shared together. I mourn because I won’t ever be able to experience them again with her on earth. I do know how grateful I am to have had her in my life to teach me so many things. She shared with me her love for bread and games. Every time I make bread with her bread maker, play Sequence that she gave me, or watch a game show on TV, I will think of her as she shared these loves with me.

The end of July, I lost my first child. I think a better word for how I am feeling is I am grieving. I grieve for this child that I was never able to hold in my arms, to see his face. I was never able to have memories that I did with my grandmother. But this child came into my life for a reason. He came into my life even for 10 short weeks to teach me what it is to love a child. To show me what it is to want to give up everything to bring a new life into this world, all out of love. He showed me how much love I have to give to a child and how much I desire children.

My grandmother and my first child will always hold a special place in my heart. They came into my life for two very different reasons, stayed in my life for two very different amounts of time, but both have left an enormous mark on me that will last a lifetime. I love you both and look forward to reconnecting in Heaven.