The Holiday Weekend

I hope you all have a nice 4th of July weekend. We got to spend some quality time with our friends, which was so nice. We got to partake in two fireworks displays, a parade and a yummy barbeque.

Despite a wonderful weekend, my mind kept thinking of Nathaniel. Last year I was one of those pregnant ladies that didn’t have a care in the world and thought everything was going to be perfect. I was around 9 weeks pregnant last 4th of July and hadn’t had my first ultrasound yet. I remember thinking, next year we will have a little one.

As we know that didn’t quite happen. Instead my arms were empty this 4th of July but my belly is carrying a healthy baby this time. My mom was talking about buying a 4th of July outfit for this baby next year. To tell you the truth I couldn’t fully accept that because I know things happens. I know this baby is healthy now but what if my arms are still empty next year? I think I will always have this caution tape around me until this baby is born. I miss you Nathaniel and I hope you know you are loved.

This month also marks the month Grace would have been born – she was due July 26th. Peanut has brought me such comfort and love but will never take away the pain I feel from losing Grace. I know she is in heaven taking care of her brother. It’s definitely a month of many emotions.

I am doing well physically though. I feel my belly popped out this past week. This Sunday marks 14 weeks for me and the start of my second trimester (I know everyone uses different weeks for the second trimester – I’m using the furthest date out). It’s hard to believe we’ve made it this far. I love this baby more and more each day. It’s scary how we get so attached. Three weeks from today we get to see this baby again (I’m not counting or anything). I’m glad it’s happening that week as I know it will be hard as Grace would have been born that week.