One Year Ago….

I said goodbye to Nathaniel. I had my D&C on July 22, 2009. It still hurts. The pain and emptiness in my heart is still there. He was my first baby and will always have a special place in his mother’s heart. It’s been a long year. We lost his sister Grace in December and now are hoping to welcome his brother or sister in January. So much has happened, but I still miss him terribly.

They say time heals all wounds. I’ve healed a bit but still have this big scar of heartache that will never go away. It’s something I will carry with me for the rest of my life. I still remember the sadness and physical pain I felt that day. I remember thinking; this wasn’t supposed to happen to me. It was my first pregnancy and I had gone through thinking that everything would be just fine. I wouldn’t miscarry. Well I thought wrong.

I was blessed in that my body knew Nathaniel wasn’t viable and my body absorbed him. It brought me a little bit of peace during that difficult time. I know he will always be with me.

Nathaniel – I want you to know how much I miss you and how much you were wanted. You would have been 5 months now. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you and wonder what life would have been like with you in it. I know you and Grace are taking care of each other, and for that it gives me peace. I love you my little boy, my first baby for always and forever. Love, your Mom