Since finding out we were pregnant 1 ½ weeks ago, my mind has been filled with so many emotions. One minute I’m positive that everything is going to work out and the next minute I start freaking out that something is wrong.
I know these emotions are completely normal after losing two babies. I just don’t remember being all over the place with Grace. Maybe it was because I thought losing Nathaniel was just a fluke accident and that Grace was going to make it. But after losing two and still not having answers as to why scares the crap out of me.
I need this baby. I want this baby more than anything. I’m afraid of getting too attached for fear that I’m going to lose this little one as well. Why does having a baby have to be so difficult and so emotional?
I’m still very hungry and very tired and my boobs still hurt a lot. It’s all good signs right? My stomach has been off a lot and my food desires I noticed started changing yesterday. This morning before brushing my teeth I really thought I might lose my breakfast. Every day I tell this baby to show me it’s ok. Make me get sick, make me tired. If I feel crappy because of this little person, it’s all worth it. I will do anything right now to bring this little person into this world.
May 24th couldn’t come fast enough. I so want to see the ultrasound and make sure everything is ok. Until then I just have to wait. Do the rest of you have any advice on getting through the next week and ½ until my ultrasound? I don’t want to freak myself out but I can’t help my mind from going there.
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I guess my only advice is to try not to focus so much on it - that's what I have to do. It's really hard sometimes, but if I start each morning by telling God I accept His will for this child's life and for mine, and recognize how out of my control the outcome is, somehow I feel better. I wish I could say we are both going to bring home a baby in 8 months. I wish I knew that! I guess all we can do is be grateful for every single day we do have.
ReplyDeleteI'm not having tons of symptoms either, by the way. I have frequent urination, a little tender in the chest (thought not nearly as bad as with Madelyn), and fatigue. I'm not sick at all. I probably should be grateful, but queasiness is reassuring! I didn't really get very sick with Madelyn either, and I was always worrying about that, and when I did get sick I worried she wasn't getting enough nutrients! So it's a lose-lose situation, lol.
*Huge hugs* As you know from reading my blog that I went through this. The time waiting for that first ultrasound drove me crazy. I highly recommend acupuncture as you may know...it is safe in pregnancy and just over all relaxing. GOod for stress relief. Also, if you just need to talk, I am here *hugs*
ReplyDeleteA cheaper method...download some meditations from I-tunes. Most are free :)
I am thinking of you! I can only imagine that your emotions are all over the place. No one should ever have to lose their babies. I can't wait for your May 24th ultrasound!! :)
ReplyDeleteThat's a hard one. All I can suggest is to keep breathing. I bought a doppler to put my mind at ease--of course I couldn't pick up the baby's heartbeat until about 12 weeks, but it got me through, and even though I feel him moving all the time, I still use it.
ReplyDeleteNothing is going to keep you from poking your boobs to make sure they are still tender and checking the TP like you've got OCD, but just do whatever gets you to the 24th!
Good luck!
...sending happy thoughts your way...
Hang in there. I completely understand also having 2 losses here. Wishing you the best!
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