Happy Mother's Day

For most of us this a very difficult day and this is the first Mother's Day I'm experience sadness. Granted, yes I am pregnant and today marks week 5, but I still can't help but feel sadness for my losses. Nathaniel would have been 3 months or I would be almost 30 weeks with Grace. My heart aches.

I think the most difficult part of today is since I don't have a live baby people don't acknowledge me as a mother. But I AM a mother. I carried two babies and now on to the third. I want all of you to know that I acknowledge you as a mother. Through all the pain each of have endured and babies you have lost, you are not only a mother but a strong woman.

My husband and I went to church this morning and all the emotions came out. Every time the priest said "Happy Mother's Day" I felt the tears building up. I had to leave for awhile to let the tears out. My heart was aching for my babies. At the end of communion a man walked by holding a little boy, probably about the age Nathaniel would have been. I immediately thought of Nathaniel and my husband holding him. It killed me. Why was I given this difficult path?

My husband and I made lunch for my mom and dad and my brother and sister-in-law. It was nice to spend time with them and not think about all the emotions I was feeling. I am so thankful to have such a loving, caring and close family. And I am so blessed to have such a loving mother. I can't imagine my life without her. Besides my husband of course, she is my best friend. I hope someday I can be as wonderful a mother as she has been for me.

I'm ending this day by cuddling with my dog and being thankful for this baby growing inside of me. I pray that next year I will be able to celebrate Mother's Day holding this baby in my arms.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you. I hope you all find peace today.