Hospital Visit

Last night for our birthing class we got to visit the hospital. Going back there brought emotions I wasn’t anticipating.

Before getting there I was looking at it as a positive experience and not thinking at all of what had happened there. We met the couples and instructors and starting walking down the hall. The pain, anger and sadness hit me again. We were headed towards the RE’s office, along with the outpatient surgery area where I had my two D&C’s. All those emotions hit me again. I didn’t want to feel this way but couldn’t help it. I held in my tears.

We started our class with a relaxation exercise. To be honest my mind wasn’t there. My mind was back to those difficult days. We’ve come so far but it still affected me being there. I tried with all my might not to cry in front of these other couples. But I couldn’t help to shed a few tears. It’s been almost a year since my D&C for Grace, but the pain is still there.

But there was a light at the end and I believe God was sending me a sign that it’s going to be ok. We were walking through the birthing area and we passed a room with a few nurses and a doctor sitting at a desk. The doctor happened to be my doctor that did my D&C’s and has been with us through our struggles. Seeing her brought me some comfort. I truly believe she was there for a reason. She was there to show me that, yes this hospital along with our doctor has been through rough times. But this time it’s going to be a positive experience. We hope that she can be with us through giving birth to Peanut. I think she was there to continue to give me hope and a sense of peace.

Despite my emotions it was a good experience last night. Seeing it all made it so real that this is happening soon. I must say it was a bit scary but at the same time so very exciting that we get to meet Peanut soon.

I hope all of you have a relaxing weekend. I’m hoping to do the same!