I was positive after leaving the doctor’s office yesterday. During the day I started to freak out. I started to fear the worst. I know I need to be positive but the What IF is haunting me. Because I had a miscarriage and know what hell it feels like, there will always be that scared feeling in the back of my mind.
I woke up at about 2 am last night and started to panic. I kept thinking of the worse scenario and how I can physically and emotionally handle that again. I want this baby so bad. I want to be a mother. Why is God giving me all this crap to deal with? I finally needed to shut my mind off so watched TV for a little while to think of something else.
When I woke up this morning, I looked at the photo again. It reminded me that this baby is real. The size is good so that is a good sign. But where is my little Nugget’s heartbeat? Seeing the photo again did ease my mind a little.
I have to get through this weekend and see what Tuesday brings. I’m hoping to see a baby at 7 weeks 5 days and see his/her little heartbeat. I have to see that because I don’t know how I would react if I don’t. The baby has put a smile back on my face as it was taken away for so long after losing our first child.
Good things come to those who wait right? I guess I have to wait to get my good news on Tuesday. I love you my little Nugget. You keep growing because Mommy and Daddy want to see you so badly the end of July.
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