I only had to work a half day yesterday and my husband was off from work the whole day. We decided since the weather was absolutely gorgeous to take our dog for a walk. It ended up being a 2 hour walk but was so beautiful out. We walked downtown only to see pregnant women, one after another it felt like. I tried to just take deep breaths, that it was ok and I too would hopefully be pregnant soon. I did better than I thought I would seeing all of them.
But there was the icing on the cake I guess you could say. We came home to see some neighbors all outside together. Now granted we have all been huddled in our houses for the winter so this is the first time seeing a lot of them for awhile. Well one of our neighbors was sitting in a chair and had the roundest belly. It seriously felt like I was stabbed in the heart. I got jealous quite fast. Why is she pregnant and not me? We should have had a baby now. I think it hurt more because this baby will be in our neighborhood and I will get to see it. What I felt reminded me of how much I want to have a family. How much I want to be a mother and make my husband a father.
I am trying hard to work on putting my jealously aside and being happy for her. I don't know what they have gone through to be pregnant. Maybe they have had the challenges we have had. Maybe this baby will be our babies friend one day.
I wish you all a wonderful weekend. Thanks for all your support. Knowing I have a place to share my thoughts, to not be judged, and have people really understand is so comforting!
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Its always hard to see someone else around you pregnant. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI am not sure how I missed this post the other day! Even though I wonder why someone else is pregnant and I am not, I wonder if they too had trouble getting pregnant. Did they have to go through infertility treatments? I am less quick to judge now because I am more sensitive to others and what they may have gone through, but the pain is still there. It simply hurts sometimes to see other pregnant women. You are not the only one who has these thoughts and I do think it is somewhat natural for us to have them. ((HUGS))
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you are talking about Amy. My neighbor had a baby in the Fall and all I could think about was how it should be me that has the baby. I found myself staring at her today as she walked her little girl down the street, I was in awe of how happy and peaceful she looked. Oh how I wish I could have been in her shoes...but I am not, but I have faith that one day I will be that mother walking her baby down our street, and I pray it will happen for you some day soon.
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