So I finally was able to have my 3D ultrasound yesterday. The main reason was to see if there really was a polyp in there. They found absolutely nothing. Most likely what they saw two months ago was just left over pregnancy tissue. My uterus, ovaries and everything looks great.
I must say I’m thrilled that everything looks good. I passed with flying colors for this test along with all my blood work. But at the same time, I still don’t have an answer as to why I lost my two little angels and that is frustrating.
He said our next step is to either have the genetic testing down which I heard is $600 per person (if insurance doesn’t cover it) or we just start trying again. To be honest that scares me. What if it happens again and I have another miscarriage? I wanted to have answers, get them fixed and then move forward.
I must say I’m in such limbo right now. I want to be a mother and if I don’t move forward I never will be one. If I don’t overcome these fears I will never get to experience holding my baby for the first time.
My hubby and I have a lot to figure out. The biggest thing is if we are ready emotionally. I know after we lost Nathaniel, trying again helped me heal. It gave me hope for the future. I think starting to try again now would help. I am definitely at a better place than I was 3 months ago.
My mom and I are headed to NY tomorrow for some girl time and some serious shopping. I’m looking forward to getting away for at least a day to shop and not think about stuff for at least a moment. I know it will be there waiting for me when I return.
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I'm glad they didn't find anything in your ultrasound. It is kind of bittersweet news, because if there were something wrong, there would be something to fix. I had the same outcome (even after genetic testing--which isurance did pay for; but only after three miscarriages in a row) and was relieved and disappointed at the same time. I couldn't just try again without knowing that another pregnancy would be successful. But, we tried again and so far so good--knock on wood. Sometimes having faith and acting on it are the hardest things we can do. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYay for being perfectly healthy! It really is such an amazing blessing which is so hard to take for granted. I totally understand your desire to have something "wrong" so that you have something to "fix". If only life always worked that way... I opted to have the genetic testing (insurance paid) after the second loss. My doctor pointed out (before the tests) that it's not a test to be taken lightly. She really challenged us (in a great way) to discuss if our marriage would be able to survive the results, if they came back say that that was something "wrong" with either my husband or myself (ie, would I "blame" him if his tests indicated a problem, or vice versa). Our tests came back normal--which is wonderful. But again...no answers. Sometimes there just aren't any answers. We started trying again almost right away, and I admit that I was getting a little frustrated when it wasn't happening. But looking back, I know that God's timing for our most recent conception was perfect. It took seven months to get pregnant again--I would have preferred three. I healed--physically and emotionally (enough) in three months...but I think it probably took much longer than that to do the necessary emotional "growth" (a step beyond "healing"). God bless!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand the feeling of wishing there was something found on tests but it's a great thing that your u/s shows that everything looks great! But if you're anything like me - I always wanted some reason other than 'it was just bad luck' - because that was unacceptable to me b/c it wasn't something I could prevent/control for the next time. I learned that there are so many things in my life that I can't control, so my health/my body, is definitely one of them - that's God's territory :)
ReplyDeleteIts great that there is nothing wrong. *Hugs* Since I have two losses of my own I have been doing some research/listening to ipods on recurrent loss and they say that sometimes two losses with no other explanation can be chromosomal. Either way you decide to go, I will pray for you.
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