I think I’m doing ok dealing with my miscarriages and then something triggers me off.
Yesterday afternoon I was on Facebook. I have found it’s a great way to keep in contact with people. It’s also a great way to get a nice slap in the face. One of my college friends had her baby shower this past weekend and there were photos posted. I don’t know why I did it but I went to look at them. I knew it would hurt but I did it anyways. Then I pay for it the rest of the evening with my heart aching.
This month my college friend will be giving birth to her first, a little girl. In April, my high school friend will be giving birth to her first, a little boy. In May, my sister-in-law will be giving birth to her third, a little girl. I want to be happy but I can’t help but feel jealously right now. When will it be my turn? When will I get to experience that joy? I’ve been feeling anxious of when the babies are born, how am I going to react? I should send my congratulations but deep down I just don’t know if I can do it.
I love Facebook but sometimes it’s too painful to see some of my friend’s news. I feel like all around me people are getting pregnant. Someday I hope I am able to announce some good news in my life on there.
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It's rough. I still go through that, even though I am pregnant. I mean, there are no guarantees that this baby is going to make it to term. But, I still hope. Anyway, my two brothers and my sister all had babies within a month of eachother. I was supposed to have a baby with them, and it hurt when those babies were born. I mean I was happy for them, but sad for me at the same time. I think everyone thought I was just being jealous and irrational.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, and I am sorry you are hurting. You'll have good news before too long!
Watching everyone have babies is rough. agood friend of mine just had her second. I've called her to say congratulations . but i can't make myself go over to see the baby. Don't make yourself do anything you don't want to. Hugs for the rough days.
ReplyDeleteTake Care