Follow Up Doctor's Appointment

I made it through my doctor’s appointment yesterday. I must say I’m glad it’s over. It was tough going in there as I’ve grown to hate that place, mostly because of not so good memories in there. I must say I love my doctor. I feel comfortable with her and you can tell she really cares. I just hate all the times I’ve had to go there. Of course there were two pregnant women in there. One was filling out paperwork for the hospital as she was due soon. She didn’t bother me as much as a woman that came out with this perfect little bump. Not too big, just big enough to show. How I have wanted a bump like that. It really hurt to see her. I had to turn my head and look at the window to avoid a meltdown. I understand why she is there, it just kills after what I’ve gone through and then I have to sit there and see these happy pregnant women come out of the office. Talk about a slap in the face.

I’ve really been struggling lately with what happens next. I feel like I need something to look forward to and have a goal. Before it was to wait 2 months and then try again. This time around I haven’t really known what to expect.

I have to wait for my period to come after I stop taking the progesterone and estrogen which is thickening the wall of my uterus to avoid scarring as this was D&C #2. It should be 2-7 days after I stop. Then on CD 3 I go in for blood work. They will be checking a variety of things. Then between CD 5- 14, I have to go in to have her check my uterus to see if there is anything out of the ordinary.

To tell you the truth – I want them to find something. I want to know that, ok this is what’s wrong and this is how we are going to fix it so there isn’t another miscarriage. To be honest, I’m scared if they don’t find anything. Then why the hell is all of this happening? I would be scared to try again for fear of yet another miscarriage. How much can a woman handle?

So I wait for my period to come. Looking forward to having my hormones back in a semi-normal line as they have been out of whack. My body has been through so much these past 5 months and I don’t think it knows what’s going on.